I entered The Great TiVo Giveaway late last night, and won my TiVo by mid-afternoon today. Below is the essay that I wrote.


I will now tell you, dear reader, something to which I rarely admit outside the cozy walls of my living room — I am an ADDICT. I bathe in the rays of my addiction, I soak in the hum of my drug, and I whimper when it is unfairly taken from me by the mere laws of physics that restrict my ability to be in two places at once. What, dear reader, is my addiction? No, it’s not alcohol or coffee that I crave; instead, I salivate over Law and Order. I drink down every frame of it. I dream of it constantly. I praise the holy mecca of A&E for their four episodes every weekday.

Alas, my life as a doctor takes me away from my glorious Phillips 35Ē television at far too frequent a rate to make happy those neurons which are intertwined with my addiction; my recent medical school loans take my money at far too rapid a rate to make hundreds of videotapes an option. Sadly, then, I am left wistfully dreaming of Jerry Orbach making pithy sexual innuendo with Jillian Hennesy. Missing Steven Hillís grouchy demeanor leaves me writhing on the sofa, clutching at the air and imagining perps and backalley lawyers who just arenít there. The only thing which exceeds the level of my addiction is my envy for those who are unemployed, able to catch every grimy Manhattan frame of Law and Order.

Give me TiVo, and satisfy my needs!