I’ve got it — I’ve figured out the next big step in Microsoft’s Grand Scheme™ to take over the world, and it came to me during a (partly-self-instigated) reinstall of Windows XP. If you pay attention closely, one of the drivers that’s loaded during the first part of the setup process is for the Human Interface Parser. When I noticed that, something clicked and everything became obvious — Microsoft is planning to be the only operating system that is easily available and usable by non-humans!

First, things will start out innocuously — there will be Feline and Canine Interface Parsers, and they’ll be marketed all cute-like to kids and parents who want their pets to take the big next step of becoming wired. But behind the scenes, Microsoft’s Intergalactic Interface Department will be ready to introduce a parser that’s compatible with whatever superrace from outer space that chooses to colonize Earth and strip us of our resources. “Hello, Lord Dvvexrgawa from the 1743 Nebula, just load this driver and your PDA can control any Windows XP machine on the planet!”

Remember, you heard it here first.


there will be Feline and Canine Interface Parsers

If cats get ahold of computers, we’re all doomed …

• Posted by: Chuck Taggart on Jun 10, 2002, 2:23 PM
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