Watching the NBA Finals (can the Spurs please just play like they did at home all season, and finish this damn thing off?!?), I can’t help but recognize that the fine folks in Golden, Colorado want to mercilessly kill me with their insufferable “Love Train” commercial for Coors Light. I can’t imagine that there’s a lucky soul in this country who’s managed to escape the ad; it starts with a crew of bundled-up Arctic day laborers packing a shining silver train full of cases of Coors Light, and then the train rockets off into the distance. Next thing you know, the train has exploded onto the scene at a beach volleyball match, then shows up racing on a NASCAR track, and even blows through a Hollywood red carpet event, each time causing snow to fall from the sky and bringing icy-cold pisswater to the poor, unenlightened masses in its wake. I mean, this might just be the worst commercial in the history of people trying to shove their uninspired drivel directly into my temporal lobes; I’d rather take a baker’s dozen of Chili’s Baby-Back Ribs commercials, and top ‘em off with one or two locally-produced furniture warehouse ads. And sadder still, Ice T makes a cameo in the spot, making it hard for me to watch SVU without starting to hum “Love Train” and then want to use an ice cream scoop to remove any bit of my memory centers that might be holding onto that pain.

Of course, what else should I expect from the same company that claims their beer is the “coldest-tasting beer in the world”? WTF? That’s a claim so stupid it defies comprehension. “Try my widget; it’s the bluest-smelling widget on the market!” “Switch to our brand T-shirts — they feel saltier than any others!” Idiots.


Next time it comes on, check out the temperature gauge at the beginning of the commercial - it says 34 degrees! Why is there snow everywhere? Is 34 really that cold? Why did they even choose to show that temperature? The whole commercial is an enigma…

• Posted by: PLC on Jun 23, 2005, 2:19 AM

Having once lived about 5 blocks from the Coors plant, I feel like I have to tell people their trademarked “Rocky Mountain Water.” The Coors brewery is downstream from radium and copper mines. Rocky Mountain streams are quite polluted due to mining runoff, some areas around Golden Colorado (where the Coors plant is) you can see encrusted rusty-looking minerals on the sides of the streams. You’d never ever get me to drink Coors.

But all this is besides the point. I don’t know if you are able to see the worst, most obnoxious commercial ever made, AFAIK it’s only running on DirecTV. I do not understand why DirecTV is advertising their NFL Sunday Ticket so heavily, there isn’t an NFL game scheduled until Sept. 8. So I’m going to have to listen to that ANNOYING commercial for months and months.

• Posted by: Charles on Jun 23, 2005, 9:10 PM
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