In the days leading up to the 110th Boston Marathon (and in the spirit of all-Bill-Simmons-all-the-time), everyone who cares about 20,000 people running 26.2 miles (on roads graciously cleared of Masshole drivers) should read the Sports Guy column from just before the 2003 Marathon. It’s a question-and-answer format, and is as ragingly hysterical as everything else Simmons has penned.

Q: Why is it that you can’t buy most products unless they have tamper-proof packaging, but when you run the marathon, you eagerly accept oranges and water from complete strangers who might be raging psychopaths?
A: No idea.